If Only..... What if?..... These are two statements that can frequently lead you to a negative reflection on your current situation in light of your past choices. And although i ask them frequently i do hate those two phrases!
What if i had chosen not to Moorlands?
What if i had left after my first year?
What if i had had certain conversations a year earlier?
If only i had had certain conversations with people before finishing my 3 years?
These are 4 of the multitude of questions that have been swirling around my head over the past few weeks. As i have previously described in my blog, i frequently reflect on past crossroads and decisions and how i reached them. I do not do it to look negatively upon my circumstance now. I try not to dwell on what could have been. I have always been aware that is it easier to think that the grass would be greener on the other side. When in reality we have no idea whether this would be true. I have no idea how my life would be different if i had chosen different things to each of the above but i do know it would be different. And that scares me more than thinking about what i could have possibly missed out on.
I have had a continual battle over many years to find acceptance in who i am. i am continually under the impression that i am a disappointment to those who matter most to me. and until this past year (maybe 2) i let that disappoinntment drive me. i was always seeking to impress people and strive to adapt and change myself for them. However i have found that acceptance and it is because i have found that acceptance that i can rejoice in the choices i have made and how they have shaped me into who i am today. Although certain options may seem appealing now in hindsight i am glad i did not choose them. As a follower i am called to be content and until recently i never really appreciated what that meant. But as the job search continues and everyone is having their own say in what i should do and my options grow day by day i am just content in the fact that i have been carried this far and through many decisions i didnt think i could make to get to this point so eh has proven himself so i go forward in confidence.
I don't want to wonder what if, or if only...... I want to praise Him for His provision and for the choices i have made.
Philippians 4:4 is my favourite verse and i try to hold it close at all times as it is so applicable. And it is the words of it that i want to leave you with.
'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!'
Blessings to you all.
