A Destructive Masterpiece

It has been a while since i last did an entry for this and in that time i have started many times but decided to stop and delete the work i had done. I do not write any old thing that i think of but instead i write what i believe i should and take time mulling over each entry before i write it and this is why many entries i come up with will be deleted in the early stages of them coming together. However this one has made the cut.

I recently had the blessing to attend a very good friend of mine's wedding. And although this in and of itself is not majorly dramatic a multitude of things happened that day that has saprked the reflective part of my brain into some serious action.

For those of you who may not know, i have just completed a 3 year degree in Applied Theology and those 3 years have been a mixture of a sledgehammer and a chisel to the masterpiece known as 'My Life'. Before i started i did one of those things that as a Christian you are always told to be careful when doing so and i honstly and earnestly prayed that my foundations would be destroyed and rebuilt into something unmovable. I now see why people are warned about doing such things. Those 3 years have featured one of the worst years of my life followed by two of the best and the journey that i travelled on very much screamed of demolition before the building could take place. God took me on a journey with whch the destruction phase reached a climax when i got to point when i had to get over myself, and for anyone who hasn't done so, i would recommend doing it; because going through an experience that makes you is far from enjoyable. But i did go through one and i believe i am now over myself. This then enabled the rebuilding process to begin. I had stopped trying to add what i wanted to the creation that i was but rather i had submitted the tools over to The Creator. Those who know me will know of some of the changes that have taken place over those years and those who don't here are some examples which were highlighted at this wedding i was fortunate enough to go to:

1) I did one of the readings in the service (Song of Songs 2:8-17). Again to many this would not seem like a big thing but to me it highlighted how i have been able to find a way of becoming comfortable infront of others and, especially if you read the passage, how comfortable i could be reading that passage infront of btoh friends and starngers. Doing the reading also symbolised something else, which i value even more than the self-confidence infront of others; it symbolised a friendship whch was why i was asked to do it. A brummie (even if far from your stereotypical one) doing a reading at a wedding full of well spoken and well educated people. It truly was a privilidge to do so.

2) Not being freaked out about being split up from the people i knew. The bride and groom had decided to split up all the different groups of people for the seating plan for the reception which meant that on my table of 9 (including myself) i knew 2 others and even they were sat away from me. A few years ago this was have freaked me out and led me to an evening of silence, however that timid young boy has grown into a man and i accepted the challenge and embraced it and decided to learn about the fascinating lives that the random strangers sat next to me lived. I often find there are few things more fascinating than learning about people from different backgrounds and different walks of life. I greatly enjoy hearing about people talking about themselves and what makes them them.

3) Finally, I was able to just sit there and enjoy the moment. I did not want to over analyse everything, i did not want to think about the issues of life. Instead i was able to put them on hold and enjoy 2 people God has brought together embark on a journey of unification and glorifying Him.

So there we go. Just a small sample of how my life has been a transformation over the last few years, but understand i am under no illusions and this masterpiece is by no means complete, infact i may get a couple years down the line and ask for the foundations to be destroyed all over again and strengthened. For any of you who are interested in what is next for me now i have finished my degree feel free to contact me to ask about it or how you could support me in the exciting next step. I appreciate all the time you have all taken to read this and hope that something form the above has spoken to you, encouraged you or challenged you.
Just live life flat out. Don't be afraid of messing up and needing to start over. Don't be afraid of getting over yourself and the challenges that brings. And don't be afraid to dream big when thinking about what the future could hold for you.

   

If Only.....

If Only..... What if?..... These are two statements that can frequently lead you to a negative reflection on your current situation in light of your past choices. And although i ask them frequently i do hate those two phrases!
What if i had chosen not to Moorlands?
What if i had left after my first year?
What if i had had certain conversations a year earlier?
If only i had had certain conversations with people before finishing my 3 years?
These are 4 of the multitude of questions that have been swirling around my head over the past few weeks. As i have previously described in my blog, i frequently reflect on past crossroads and decisions and how i reached them. I do not do it to look negatively upon my circumstance now. I try not to dwell on what could have been. I have always been aware that is it easier to think that the grass would be greener on the other side. When in reality we have no idea whether this would be true. I have no idea how my life would be different if i had chosen different things to each of the above but i do know it would be different. And that scares me more than thinking about what i could have possibly missed out on.
I have had a continual battle over many years to find acceptance in who i am. i am continually under the impression that i am a disappointment to those who matter most to me. and until this past year (maybe 2) i let that disappoinntment drive me. i was always seeking to impress people and strive to adapt and change myself for them. However i have found that acceptance and it is because i have found that acceptance that i can rejoice in the choices i have made and how they have shaped me into  who i am today. Although certain options may seem appealing now in hindsight i am glad i did not choose them. As a follower i am called to be content and until recently i never really appreciated what that meant. But as the job search continues and everyone is having their own say in what i should do and my options grow day by day i am just content in the fact that i have been carried this far and through many decisions i didnt think i could make to get to this point so eh has proven himself so i go forward in confidence.
I don't want to wonder what if, or if only...... I want to praise Him for His provision and for the choices i have made.
Philippians 4:4 is my favourite verse and i try to hold it close at all times as it is so applicable. And it is the words of it that i want to leave you with.
'Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!'
Blessings to you all.  

It's been a while

It has been a while since my last blog. You know how it is, life can easily carry you away and work can prevent you from finding the time to another entry. But alas on my afternoon off before going on a residential tomorrow i find the time. I try to keep my entries brief, and probably wont cover anywhere near all that i want to cover but here goes:

For those who do not know, as part of my University course i am required to go on full time placement for 5 weeks. I am in the middle of this placement as i am writing this. I have migrated up north to my temporary home in Manchester. Whilst i have been here (this is the start of my 3rd week) i have had two interesting experiences. Going to church on my own. Which has proved to be a very beneficial experience thinking ahead.

I do not know if you have ever done this yourself but it is a strange experience going to a church for a service and not knowing if you will know anyone else who is going. But this i have experienced each of the last two Sundays. I have been attending a church, which i am continually told is a very good church at identifying and welcoming new people. Now i am sure most of you know where this is going. In my two times of going to this church i have been one fo the first to arrive both times, found a seat and waited and observed to see if anyone would venture to speaking to me. Now i welcome that I, a 6"5 man is not the most welcoming and unintimidating of people. I did nothing to suggest that i was occupied or otherwise engaged, i sat (without even looking at my phone) and waited. And both times not one person has spoken to me. Well, correction, the first time i bumped into a couple i knew so they said hi (after the service), but i couldn't help but wonder:

'If i was a non-Christian who had braved venturing into the church how would i feel if not one person came and spoke to me?'

It is uite uncomfortable as a Christian in that situation but as a non-Christian it may be enough to make me look elsewhere (if anywhere) and not return. Now i am nto saying that every person should notice if one new person comes in and all go and speak to them, but i am saying between a group there should be someone who notices a new person and can then either themselves initiate contact or find someone else to do so. I am aware this may all just be an ideal fantasy but in a Church which i am constantly told is very good at welcoming new people, i have not felt overly welcome.

I do not know what to suggest to make a succinct and perfect way of making new people feel welcome, and it is possible that i am just one who slipped through this church's net, but i am confident there are many nationally, let alone internationally, who slip through the net without a single person noticing they ever were there. If they have done their part by coming (the harder part if you ask me) then surely we can do our part by noticing.

Jesus came for the lost not for the saved, and we are very good at preaching about that for when we are outside the church walls, but how about we for once live it out within the church walls, and yes socialising and talking to your friends is good, but we want to do kingdom work don't we????